sdrawkcab

So I actually started this post a week ago and got distracted, but as it will demonstrate the general state of my mind these days, I thought it would still be fun to share. :)

Here 'tis:

the AMD and I went to the gym today - as we often do on Monday. we got dressed for step aerobics class and i put on the same damn sports bra that i wear every time we go to the gym, because there are some things (like coffee with a bagel in the morning and V-neck shirts and getting the mail when i come home) that i like to have consistency with.... anyway. i've been feeling really puffy lately, like my body is retaining every speck of moisture that i'm putting into it... along with the San Francisco Bay, Mono Lake and a good part of the Jersey Shore. ugh. So i put on my bra and it feels so snug... like my boobs suddenly increased a full cup size (hah! when hell freezes over...) and i said to the AMD, "Jesus Christ, that food last night must have had SO MUCH salt, this bra top is killing me." So we go upstairs and get set up and start class and do some warm up with resistance bands and i catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and, holy mother of god, my upper body looks simply HUGE. like a freak. and my chubs are squeezing out and it's just wholly unappealing on so many levels. i cannot even fathom at this point how much salt must have been in my food. god - maybe there was MSG?!?! jesus. i can't even look at myself because i look like a freak of nature and omigod wait a minute. um. why is the back of my bra so wide? and, uh, full coverage? and why are the pretty straps back there and why is it - oh wait... no way.... what an idiot. it is SO on backwards. ugh.

this stuff needs to stop. today I sent Ann Marie a series of instant messages at work. When I called her to ask why she hadn't replied (she's a very good IM-er, very quick), she said she hadn't gotten them. this seemed very odd, until on closer inspection, I realized that I had IM'd myself. and was waiting for myself to reply.

dear god.

and i don't even have kids.