amazing freaking day

ok. wow. um....where to start.... in a nutshell, that was one of the most exciting first rehearsals I've ever had... the entire staff at the Magic seems insanely psyched about this show.... bill pullman is psyched to finally be doing the real world premiere after doing many workshops of just parts of the script... the men in the cast are all out from new york, having been a part of this show from the VERY start - back when they were in a theatre MFA program in denver some 4 years ago – and they are psyched to be back and getting a chance to dive into the whole thing.... and the newbie cast members, myself and two other local women are, well, rather psyched about the whole venture. And oh boy - we got a chance to play on the trapezes today for quite some time - they are very different from what I'm used to, but they are FUN!!!! They’ve got wooden bars and and the bar is much thicker and wider and the ropes are totally different. It will be such an adventure. Wheeeeeee…

the most striking thing for me today was the adrenaline rush before... during.... and, well, there's still some left.... I mean, it's always exciting to embark on a theatre show, but i think it's even more exciting to embark on new work… and then add NASA and trapezes and bill pullman and a lot of energetic people to that and it freaking rocks.

I think I'm really putting this down here so that I can remind myself later (or sooner) when it gets really hard and complicated and stressful and emotional and frustrating and ego-deflating, that it was really freaking exciting and inspiring from the start and, well, it still should be... it gets really easy to lose perspective when you are deep into the rehearsal process…

i've been away from theatre for awhile. last theatre show was january. Circus, specifically silk, really took over for about 6 months. What with putting together my first routine and auditioning for the showcase and then preparing for the showcase - it was all a lot of work and a lot of time. And totally amazing. i've told myself that it's what i've wanted (a break from theatre) and i actually think i got it right for once. i don't like the never-ending cycle of jumping from show to show to show that SO many actors feel like they NEED to do in order to be 'ok' with themselves. Personally, I really like getting the work... but I REALLY like time off too.

There was a point on our trip that I had this amazing smack in the gut sensation that what I do is so very trite and unimportant and self-gratifying and I think I articulated it by suddenly saying to dave, ‘ god – I should really do something that matters, like become a naturalist.’ And he basically responded, ‘yeah, you should.’ But you know, as I sat there in that room today and listened to people talk a bit about the importance of what we do in the theatre and our ability to make people feel and connect and think and even change (all things that I have actually said through the years, but sometimes start to forget), I remembered that there is nothing trite and insipid about what we do. you work your ass off. you take it seriously. you really care. even the oldiest moldiest musical can change someone’s life.