totally obsessed

wow. sorry guys. i have a problem. really. no... i do. ever since i found the courage to scribble my name down on the audition list for the circus center showcase, i have been absolutely unable to really focus on much else. at times excited, at times nauseous, i seem to keep playing silk moves through my mind when I'm on my bike, talking on the phone, staring at people, at work, on the motorcycle, on stage (!), almost every night before bed, in my dreams AND as soon as i wake up. it's really something. i've had fleeting obsessions before - a book that i have to stay up all night to finish....a song that i have to finish and i forget to eat or um, blow my nose (yeah – it's messy) cause i'm so caught up....things like that....but they are for shorter intervals. this has been fairly consuming ever since the goddamn notice went up on the board. i hear the songs in my head whilst women are dropping from the sky from red ribbons. it's getting ridiculous....and at the same time, it's electrifying....omigod. to be so immersed...so wrapped up...so giddy about something.... and i've developed a strange habit. i rub my nails back and forth across my thumb in a side to side notion as my brain just soars away back into the land of straddle climbs and double star drops and jesus, what kind of double foot wrap series should go there and how can one ever decide when there are so many choices? Of music? Of moves? Of intentions? Ackakckakcakckakcakkkckakcakakkcakckakakck. At least i know that my silk is red and i am me. These are the givens. Well, and very possibly “Welcome to the Jungle” is going to be replaced with an obscure 1978 Peter Gabriel/Robert Fripp recording of “Here Comes the Flood” that Dave was so kind to find a way to transfer from his record collection onto a cd for me. :) he gets big points. :) it's an absolutely freaking thrilling song to move to.... ooooooooh so many ideas..... does make 'here comes the flood' sort of fitting in a way, doesn't it?

there are so many other things i want to tell you, oh blog of mine, like seeing mr. Symonds and taking Mia to flying trapeze for her b'day present (she did excellently – caught by the catcher and all!!!!) and having 4 readings to do this week alone! But alas, my head is totally immersed in a 30 foot blood red ribbon. I'll work on it. I promise.