my first tissu audition

(disclaimer - please forgive me...i did not spell check nor grammar check nor um really fix my ridiculous shifting of tenses in this story - i was really just trying to barf it out so to speak....)

On Saturday, March 3rd, I auditioned for the Circus Center Showcase on tissu.

Ok. I did it. I freaking did it. :) it was terrifying and thrilling and nauseating and terrific and overwhelming and moving and so totally fun all at the same time.

And I am proud. I am so totally omigoodness cannot believe it proud!

I could barely function on Saturday morning all the way up until 1:30pm when I started doing warm-ups at home (so that I didn’t have to be freaked out by anybody at the gym in my fragile mental state…) I told Dave that I could not remember what I did during the period from 8:30am – 1:30pm and it’s really true. I just was not there….could not focus…twas very strange. My tummy was all a flutter in a way that I have not experienced since high school... I know I did the dishes…talked to the birdies….ate breakfast and later a snack…watched countless things on youtube. It was ridiculous. I’m not used to feeling that wayward. Anyway... it went something like this:

- got to the gym just as two of my teachers were leaving and therefore able to wish me well. That was nice.

- hands were trembling. Not used to that. Gym was practically empty. Not used to that. The judges were away in the little theatre looking at clowns and jugglers. there were only 4 of us in the gym – 3 of us to audition in the next few slots and one teacher (i took handstands with her last summer) cooling down.

- Set my tissu up with about ½ hour of time to warm up and calm down. thank god I had the foresight to do such a thing. I started my rudimentary warm-ups and my breathing was really shallow and my shaking hands were making me feel unstable. Not good. Sat for a moment to breathe. Ok. Said hello to a fellow auditionee – she’s in my trapeze class and she seemed almost as nervous as I was…

- took my first climb up the tissu to run through a little sequence. Got my foot wrapped, did some moves and oh good things were going better. Ok. Got myself up into a tricky center split type thing and suddenly BOOM! Crash! Blam! Crash! Holy Shit. I thought for a second that the tissu and I were earthbound and this was some sort of sick irony. However, after the noise stopped, I was still there attached to my red ribbon and the rest of the people in the gym looked as stunned as I was... Over by the static trapezes (trapezii?) we see that chunks of the ceiling have come crashing down. Oh this is so not good. I come down.

- after checking in with everyone and trying to deal with the shock, I decide that the next course of action is to double-check my rigging, just to be sure. Ugh. Tummy is really rolling now. I bring the tissu down and check the carabeeners and the swivel and everything. Ok. Looks alright. I hoist it back up.

- at this point, I feel a little ill. I get up on the tissu again to reassure myself that things will be ok. I force myself to do the drop that is in my routine. Ok. Nothing fell. Well, I fell, but not to the ground. Good. I come back down again.

- ok. This did not help the nerves, so I talk to my trapeze buddy some more. The teacher who was in the room came over and said she thought that the judges should know about such a thing happening before an audition and that in this circumstance it should be okay to say something even though normally it’s not considered professional. I tell her that I want to throw up and she very calmly and steadily reminds me with a bit of tough love in her voice that the way to deal with nerves for this is the same way you do for any audition. You take time out alone before you actually do it to sit and run through the routine in your head as you are breathing in and out slowly.

- I go do exactly what she says. It helps. And it is the sort of thing I’ll do before other kinds of auditions. It was just really good to hear it again. :)

- the judges have entered. I am the first aerialist that they will see. I watch this wonderful teacher who gave me this wonderful gesture of support go over to the judges and explain exactly what happened with the sky falling and specifically that I was actually up on my apparatus and that possibly i was a little shaken and that perhaps they could take that into consideration. Oh wow. That was REALLY nice of her. :) That makes me feel better too. Oh. And they are smiling and looking friendly. Good. :)

- ok. They tell me i can start and not to be nervous and that we'll talk afterward. ok.

- I go over and start my music. I have already pre-set my tissu to look like a tree by fanning out the bottom. I take one final breath and hit play. As soon as I hear the strange first few notes, i suddenly know that everything is going to be okay. It was amazing. I was suddenly even excited to show what I had. And 5 minutes and 15 seconds later – it was done! And it had gone well! I had even had some new inspiration within the routine, plus i had not had any of the very normal tissu issues: struggling to open the tissu from one to two pieces...being slightly off when wrapping your feet so that your splits look terrible....unwrapping your feet and having the tissu stick to them, so you look like an ass as you try to kick it off or peel it off....do a drop and have the extra tissu land on your head or wrap itself around your head... and many more.... well, holy shit – NONE of them happened. It was pretty damn seamless actually. Whew. And here i breathe a huge sigh of relief!

- ok. Over to the judges. Oh! They look pleased. oh. They are smiling. Oh!

- they ask if I can do it with my hair down. um. Yeah, i think so. Sure. They ask if i'm married to my music. One of them hates it. One of them loves it. And one of them is not sure. They say that they are so impressed by my routine and by the strength of my character. They say they were moved and so into my 'story' that they don't want the music to distract them from it. ok. Sure. Basically – we talked for quite some time. They seemed very interested. They got all excited about ideas. They liked 'this part and this part' and blah blah blah.... Asked a bunch more questions. They thought that my character was dealing with loss and longing due to loss of a man. They didn't get that it was a political tissu piece about the impending doom of global warming and that the loss and longing was in reference to losing the world as we know it and leaving me all alone in my tree.... But hey – the same emotion got across and that's what counts. ;)

i'll let you know what happens next as soon as i hear. :) *fingers crossed*