Crown of poo.

Yesterday I had the displeasure of going to the dentist for my first crown. I was rather nervous before the procedure, as I had no idea what to expect (and had deliberately not let myself do wild Google searches on “dental crown” therefore making myself even more crazy about the whole thing). So I sat down in the cushy dental chair in a state that I wish I could be in more often in my life: the state of complete and utter ignorance.

I don’t really want to rehash the details, but suffice to say, the novacaine shot hit a nerve (wow, that was unpleasant), the smell of tooth grinding coupled with feeling little flecks of tooth hit the un-numb part of your mouth was not so great, but otherwise I couldn’t feel a goddamn thing since I was so freaking numb. :) It has, however, been rather tender and painful ever since the novacaine wore off and I didn’t sleep so well the first night after the procedure.

Now I have a funny looking flat tooth in the back of my bottom right jaw that currently has a plastic temporary crown placed on top of it. It looks like a miniature ice-skating rink.

I am going to try not to crack any more teeth in the future. I advise you all to do the same.

Stream of...

Must go to bed. But have swimmy swummy brain.

a) I am not getting sick.

b) I have a new appreciation for pencils. I’ve spent a lot of time disliking pencils. I have been finding them pleasing lately.

c) When I woke up this morning, I felt like I had been persecuted throughout the entirety of the night. Suddenly in a flash, large chunks of my dreams started bombarding me with enough force that I’ve actually continued to have flashes of them throughout the day (strange…as it’s been quite awhile since I’ve actually remembered one….) The painful crux of what I think was actually one REALLY long epic dream, was this: the woman who wrote the movie I shot, “Hog Island”, had some sort of gathering at her house (which, of course, looked nothing like her real house), and initially when I arrived, her husband, the director, and other guests were all very normal and civil and then suddenly, the woman entered the room and projected really loudly - directly at me - something like, “How DARE you be here you horrible woman! I’ll give you 5 minutes to leave my house! You have ruined everything I will never forgive you!” and then a weird epic chase that involved a lot of packing (I somehow had managed to leave things ALL over the house that I NEEDED to find and pack before I could go) and running up and down stairs and corridors, inside and outside (somehow an entire village entered into the picture here and this section even included a bear hunt, but I’m shaky on the details…) but then back in the house even random guests were trying to help hide me from this woman, who was getting progressively more and more demonic…and all towards be. There was a battery of other insults and personal attacks that I’ve blocked. I know it doesn’t sound that bad, but in the dream, I just had this horrible, awful, no good, very bad feeling the WHOLE time that I was this horrible, awful, no good, very bad person who had done some irrevocable horrible, awful, no good, very bad thing. *sigh* It’s possible that the fact that I’m playing a really mean character in my current show is actually kinda hard on me and those feelings are bleeding into my subconscious. I still don’t know what it was that I did wrong. Ah well. That’s kind of the way I feel a lot of the time in life.

d) Had a burrito at Ananda Fuara today. To go. Man, I love that place. Even to go. I’ve had A LOT of different items there, but never the burrito, and I am pleased to report that it was DEElicious.

e) a few minutes before I started this, I was doing my after shower preening, which includes putting baby powder on me bum and I thought of something that I could not bear forgetting, so I went to write it down at my desk, sitting upon my desk chair. When I got up, I had this awesome butt print from the powder, but instead of looking like a heart, it looked like this: ΠΠ I mean if that was smooshed together. It was very angular like that and it struck me that it looked like a robot butt.

f) On the way home from my 1,894th rehearsal of the day, I had an incredibly meaningful silent exchange with a scrappy little dog. I was at the red light at Turk and Gough Streets (it’s ALWAYS red there, I NEVER hit it at the right time), and there was a woman stopped with her dog, waiting to cross. Right when I turned to look at the dog, he turned and looked at me. We stared at each other for quite some time. It struck me that he didn’t lose interest so I started to make faces at him like one would to a newborn baby and he still stared directly at me stone-faced, unblinking. So I asked him how he was doing. He seemed to tell me that he was ok, but rather bored. The fact that I thought that I received this message made me break our eye contact and as soon as I turned my gaze, so did little mr. scrappy. I looked back directly at him to see if I could regain contact and strangely enough, he felt it and looked right back at me. I smiled, but knew that something had changed, and today him goodbye and started to bike away, when he suddenly let out one quick little ‘YAP!” His walker person seemed shocked by this as she said, “Why did you bark? You don’t bark!” And I smiled and felt deeply happy as I continued down Turk struck by the meaningfulness of my scrappy dog interaction. This segued directly into the morbid thought that perhaps this would be when god would strike me down as I had somehow broken down an unbreakable barrier and in speaking with dogs I had become spiritually whole and no longer needed the rest of my time here. I think I need some sleep. I don’t even believe in god. Although this reminds me a very wow Jon Krakauer quote that I will put in here once I have caught some Z’s.

g) In the middle of everything else that is going on right now, I got a last minute call to audition for the California Shakespeare Festival/Theatre. They are an amazing company that I thought I would NEVER work with, as I do not have a theatre pedigree nor the requisite experience in Shakespeare needed to work at such a high level theatre. Anyhow, I was called in with one days notice on top of moving the work office and “4 Adverbs” rehearsal and everyothergoddamnthingthatcouldpossiblybegoingonrightnowjesusmaryandcows and somefreakinghow I did it. I was prepared. I went and just played at the audition and did my very best. Was called back that very night to see if I could come back in at 10am this morning to meet the playwright… There is a whole story here that I may choose to expand on later, but basically I am beating around the bush to just say….well: pick me pick me pick me! I REALLY would like to do this gig. *sigh* that was hard. I find it very difficult to admit to really wanting something because it makes it that much harder when it does not work out. I feel butterflies in my tummy every time I think of what will happen. I feel strangely invested in this one, cause I have let myself get me hopes up, so I’m setting myself up for MAJOR excitement or really DISMAL fucking failure. I’m starting to feel yucky just sitting here typing honestly about it. I will go sleep now.

Good night.

moving sucks so hardcore

my dayjob offices are moving. it's actually a really great thing, as the offices we are in now are this stupid freaking corporate america idea called 'globalworkspace', which basically means that everyone works out in the open and no one has any privacy and if you have to pick your nose or your ass or check your e-mail or write in your blog or make a goddamn phone call, everyone can see and hear you. we hates it. we are moving to 3 embarcadero center, which will be great, precious. lots of bagel choices in the morning. and i'll be near the AMD once again. :) but the whole moving process of a major big 4 accounting firm, well, quite frankly, sucks. Plus, this is the 4th time I have moved in about 5 years. can we say 'wasted money that could have been in my pocket!?!?!??!?!??!?!??!!?'

yeah.

well, one day to go.

hungry happiness

happiness = 1 and 1/2 hours with Jen Weed tonight (which SHE ordered for my back and shoulder issues, so, you know, it’s medical…)

hungry = ALL THE TIME!

time as the enemy

okay...so i don't really have enough time to be doing this so i am going to remind myself of some things to check back on:

- movie premiere went better than expected. nakedness was nowhere near as frightening as i had imagined. seeing people after a year was a little weird, but manageable. movie actually looks like a freaking movie! go figure.

- struggling a bit with new show. have not participated in something as member of ensemble in quite awhile. it's hard. it's exhausting. it takes a lot of energy and focus. it also means you have to get over your own big bad ego, which is proving harder than i expected (and which i am so embarassed to say...) whew. we come so far...and yet....

- did not get show at the Aurora. which is a mixed bag. show seemed rough around the edges... and character not well-defined, but I miss the Aurora and I hate losing. *sigh* why are we so complicated?

- i think the wogdog was glaring at me last night.

- need to get home to watch 'Country Boys', which I taped from PBS. it's amazing.

- Aerial Conditioning class today was the hardest thing I have ever done. well, no. jumping into Tomales Bay naked was REALLY hard and going on in "I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Poo" with only 8 hours of rehearsal and with Broadway actors (as well as all the shit that ensued) were pretty fucking outstandingly terrifying. But I guess that's not really what I meant anyway. Today was not scary. It was brutal. I think it's the first time ever that I almost threw up (sorry Sarah!) from the amount of sit-ups/crunches/V-ups that I was forced to do. intense.

ok. must go.

this entry was like one of those late, rushed homework assignments I would try to slip past the teachers in high school, where I would say things and then not elaborate, and in red pen all along the margins I would always find, 'details!' or 'more details!', and 'interesting Arwen, but tell me WHY it was exciting' or 'elaborate here' and also 'go deeper'. *sigh* it's just because I type so damn slow. I get bored since my head races so damn fast and I just give up or can't remember what I was going to say. actually, this may seem odd to anyone who knows me as I can't tell a simple story in less than 20 minutes for all the DETAILS that I deem necessary and vital to truly understanding what I'm talking about....

wow. ohmigoodness there is much going on.

Hello.

I should be working. oh yes. But bills seem boring and the sun is shining and the seals are barking and my vitamin water is pleasing and all is good.

Soooooooooooo…much to share, let’s see, where to start?…cool things include:

A) The movie I shot last year, “Hog Island”, is premiering in San Francisco this Saturday at the Yerba Buena Center for the Arts. This is pretty cool and would be a lot cooler if I wasn’t so damn nervous about seeing some of my sundry naked parts on the big screen. Well, that, and I desperately hope that it seems like I can act. Good Link: http://www.clydelinefilms.com/

B) My Band, Coraline, has a gig in February at Irelands 32, which is rather nice as it has been awhile since we’ve played out. We’ve got some new songs. 3 to be exact. My secret wish is that we really could finish and learn a certain tune we like to refer to as ‘Evil Klaus’ in time to present it at the gig with a myriad of circus performers doing intricately choreographed, well, I don’t know, you know, circus shit…I can continue to dream…Info is (I don’t know why I am doing this since anyone who could POSSIBLY be reading this already knows, BUT…)
Who: My Band - Coraline Good Link: www.merple.com/coraline
What: Gig
When: Saturday, February 4th at 9pm
Where: Irelands 32, 3920 Geary Blvd. (cross street is 3rd Ave.), San Francisco

C) My newest theatrical endeavor started last night. I can’t really tell you too much, cause I’ve signed a confidentiality agreement and I don’t want to have to kill you, so here’s the info: www.zspace.org/4adverbs.jsp oh wow…and here’s a pretty scary press photo of me terrorizing a fellow cast member. It kinda looks like I haven’t been fed in awhile and I quite possibly may dine on her… www.zspace.phanfare.com/album/19340

D) I have gone certifiably insane and am taking 3 classes at the Circus Center this session. It’s so freaking sweet. :) http://www.circuscenter.org/ On Monday morning I take Aerial Conditioning Class with Emily (who is an AMAZING Trapeze artist and who happens to be cute and WAY WAY WAY buff). She kicks our asses, our arms, our core and our everything elses for 1 and ½ hours straight. It is hardcore. I LOVE it. Then on Tuesday morning, I am continuing on in my Trapeze Class with another amazing teacher, Daniella (sp?), who has agreed to let us play on any kind of trapeze type aerial object that we fancy! Single-point trapeze, hoop, static trapeze, et al. So far it’s proving to be massive fun. This past Tuesday I got to spin and spin and spin and spin and spin. I swear to Christ I felt like I was 8 years old it was so much fun. Yeah. And finally, on Friday afternoons, I am continuing on with the amazing aerial silk with the equally amazing Kerri: http://www.skysiren.com/ and will keep trying to wrap myself up in a 30 foot long Tissu as delicately and gracefully as possible even though it’s so freaking hard.

E) I found out at my most recent visit to the dentist that I need a crown. Poo.

F) I need to stop spending money like I have it. Cause I don’t.

G) Ann Marie and I saw ‘Brokeback Mountain’ on Monday. It was really good. Both strapping young lads were really, really good. Though I still haven’t seen anything that surpasses Robin Wright Penn’s performance in ‘9 Lives’. Whew. Devastating.

H) Climbed 3 times last week. Jeremy came along twice and is shaping up to be quite the natural. A 5.10a already under his belt! And Mia and I tried a totally inverted 5.10b on the front wall that defeated us, but will be a most excellent challenge to work on… plus Dave decided that it was Climbing Christmas and I now have a rope and a bunch of slings and carabineers and a lot more knowledge of knots, so some more outdoor climbing looks to be on the horizon.

I) Took Dave to see Cirque du Soleil and he liked it. A lot. Yay.

J) Had a dog for 2 weeks. Watched one, I should say. Figgy. One of the best jogging/hiking companions one could ask for. We had a great time – the Figs and I - or at least I thought we did. We ran through the Presidio, we hiked in the mud in Tilden all the way up to Inspiration Point, we played in a myriad of parks and we ate yummy things together. It was great, but she always leaves me. :( It makes me sad, but there are 4 feathered members of the household who were thrilled to see the beastie leave so that full attention could once again be paid to them. Even Rowsby Woof seemed a little miffed.

K) Dave and I have officially named our truck Saphira. From the book “Eragon” by Christopher Paolini. Not only is it a damn good book, but he wrote it when he was 15 years old and that was like my dream when I was 15, and like, this kid totally did it and meanwhile, I couldn’t even figure out what to name my lead faerie character in the brilliant novel that was forming in my 14 year old noggin. I did end up writing a poem about her called ‘the nimble fairy princess’, but I killed her by the end, so my book never really took off…. since, you know, the lead character was already deceased. I think I had someone behead her. Jesus. What is my problem? I killed Mr. Putnam. I killed Mary. Jim seems to think that I killed Johanna or that at least I wanted to… The woman in Cold may as well be dead cause she sure is stuck in hell. All the men in Women of the Railroad are dead. One of the new songs, Safe, is written about “The Rules of Charity” – that’s right! From the point of view right after the father dies… and the Old Lady Song is one of the saddest bits of mourning for loss of love that I can imagine. Oh dear. That will be something to ruminate on… seems rather strange since I am generally a happy person.

Okay. Wow. Anyway. That is SO it for me. I am exhausted from this much updating. *yawn* goodbye.

Oh one more thing – Lee’s Deli makes one kick ass avocado sandwich and even with the price hike for 2006, I can get a fresh tasty dutch crunch roll with heaps of avocado, plus provolone cheese, lettuce, tomato and pickle, plus a dash of balsamic vinegar for $3.60 (it was $3.35 up until 1/1/06!). excellent deal. And tasty.