queen figgy fig

So yeah...on top of everything else right now, we are dog sitting (illegally) the Fig. Figgy, thankfully, is just about the best dog in the world, so it is an honor to have her around. i just wish we did not have to sneak her in and out like a bunch of fugitives, furtively sprinting out the door and down the narrow back stairs, past the garbage, right turn at the pigeon feathers and past the long hall of circuit breakers, until you reach the sneaky side alley door, that must be cleared before dashing out with her as if we did not come from our apartment building at all. incognito is a lot of work. phew.

(thanks to Big Dave/MOMWOW for the pic)

ode to spud

omigod. my little brother rode 825 miles on his bicycle from portland to san francisco. it's amazing! it's fantastic! it's spudderific! he got into town right between sarah having her baby and debbie and michael getting married, so he was treated to mass insanity around the tart house. but he was also treated to the House of Meat, so it all worked out. and he got along smashingly with dave's parents. and he got to see circus. and rock climb. and hunt for the wild parrots of telegraph hill. and attend a wedding. and take a shower. it's all good. :)

as lovable furry old grover would say, "I am so PROUD of you!!!!!!"

happy birthday serafina pekkala!

serafina is 3 years old today. :)

god of crab babies

i just returned from my 'god of hell' pairing/callback thing at the magic and am feeling sad. the other women there were like a 'who's who' of bay area theatre, which i must admit was pretty freaking flattering, but i felt like i didn't really land anything and wasn't really in the right place. and i didn't get any notes about anything except to take my hair down. which i'm sure was to see if i could at all possibly look older since everyone there was 10 - 20 years older than me. which again, is very flattering, but i am just not quite that old yet and, well, i dunno, ugh. i'm actually having that horrible actor feeling about never working again, which is a common actor neurosis and quite frankly i have just not really worried about it all that much or have not fallen into that yuckiness very much, but i can feel it slowly creeping right now and i need it to go the fuck away because it is just not helpful and i know that it feels that way because of the commercial disappointment and now this. I know it is rather negative, but i know that i did not get this part. Sometimes you just know. And i feel sad. And that is just the way it is. Period. Oh, right. And there is too much going on, which makes the sadness feel yuckier. But i am sitting here breathing and trying to let it go as fast as possible because SARAH JUST HAD HER BABY, which is just like the most amazing thing and we are going to go see her and it will be wonderful and incredible and i just don't want to bring any sense of a poo pit into the room when we go witness the first viewing of Daisy. Ohmigoodness i am so excited. I feel giddy. I cannot wait and have no idea what to expect. I will go play my new, still not named guitar and look at Figgy and will find my zen place and perhaps it will all be okay. :)

i am not very good at not winning.

I am not very good at putting a lot of effort into something and not having it return something fruitful.

I am however very good at being a friend and am ready to view a completely new soul added to this world by two very good friends. Wow. :) and daisy is a cancer the crab, just like me. :) yay!

too much too too much

um - i think these will be reminders to elaborate on later.... too too many things right now. cannot keep up.

1) turned 32 last friday. still not totally sure what i think about it... it was not as easy as i expected, but i'm not entirely sure why...

2) think that i have perhaps injured/torn my rotator cuff. cannot be totally sure. it really hurts. just made appointment with Jen Weed.... should probably see a dr.

3) We are watching Miss Figgy Fig the wonder dog for the next three weeks. have i mentioned that pets are not allowed in our apartment?

4) great trip down to LA that I have never had a chance to write about - visited Arika - saw Mr. Symonds. Had a really super relaxing excellent trip. :) Need to tell some of you about the Korean Spa. SO amazing!

5) been working on a new play workshop at the zspace for the last week and a half. very good play. excellent director. good cast. will be done tomorrow, but it's been really great filling in the summer nooks and crannies with so many readings. have one for word for word (4 Adverbs people) coming up in a week and a half

6) have a final callback of sorts at the Magic on Thursday. would like it to go well. have no time to prepare. *sigh*

7) Had an awesome tissu class today regardless of the above stated injury. Kerri taught us a bunch of new stuff and Elliot and I both agreed that it was an excellent class. have i mentioned that Elliot is just 19 - as in just recently turned 19. makes me feel old at times, but then again, most days i can keep up with him, so how bout that?!?!??!?

8) Went to see a play, "Killer Joe", at the Magic tonight. with the AMD and scott. Lots of violence and nudity. a harsh play about white trash in Texas and murder plots gone wrong. had a really disturbing nude scene that seemed to last about a 1/2 hour, but was also extremely compelling. whew. acting is hard.

9) Went to Donner Lake for my birthday. Visited Figgy's parents. had b'day dinner with them and stayed over in an awesome cabin they were renting for the past month. the next day we went on a super long hike, complete with bouldering at the top of the mountain. then went swimming with Figgy! excellent time all around. :) highly recommended.

10) Sarah is totally about to have her baby. holy shit.

11) Debbie is totally about to be married. holy shit.

12) Mia is totally about to be married. holy shit.

13) Spud has hit the Avenue of the Giants in his Portland to San Francisco biking journey. Got a message from him tonight. Said he's gone 500 miles already! he should be here Friday.

14) Dave's parents arrive tomorrow night.

15) i am so very tired.

16) i had mexican food that did not agree with me on sunday that made monday a very difficult day.

17) have i mentioned that there is a tad too much going on right now?

18) my mother just bought a new house. she said she cannot go through another flood. i can understand that. she's been hit pretty badly over the last year.

19) poor dave got his first crown started about a week ago, so he has the temporary in right now and is totally going through the same 'crown of poo' experience that i did. he's not very happy about the lack of sleep part. this i understand. it's sucky timing. :( poor mr. tart.

20) oh god - the PwC talent show is like a week away and i have to play something again and I have NO idea what to do. *sigh* gotta get through the next 5 days first. then we'll deal with the rest of this stuff...

21) was almost hit by an SUV tonight. probably my closest call ever. the guy just starting turning his fucking SUV right into me and i had my bike light on and everything. i yelled like a banshee and thankfully he had his window down and came to a stop in the nick of time. i think he may have been drunk. grrrrrr.

there's more, but just thinking about half this stuff is stressing me out. i'll come back later. must shower and sleep.

good night.

sun, corn, trees and ice cream...

...how could a 4th of July get much better?

i guess we could of had sparklers. sparklers are so cool.

dave and i went to the bbi picnic party again this year and had a great time. much food. and i got to hike through redwoods with a dog. and then jump in the pool in my skivvies as i forgot a bathing suit. fun times. :) and barely a sunburn! yay!

many happinesses

dave has set me up with my birthday present early this year. she is beautiful. she sounds beautiful. she smells beautiful. She is my first Martin acoustic. She has a perty case with green velvet on the inside. it's spanky.

i've already written my first song on her which definitely helps with dealing with the loss of my seacow. it's in a tuning that i've never used before. and i think it's called 'graceless'.

dave is a good egg.

oh my i am a reformed overachiever overdoer and how

on thursday I got up at 6:45 in order to get a handle on the day. I packed a lot of bags and made a list.

i have not had a day like this in a long time. my life used to be full of days like this. i am so glad that i am reformed. i do not like to have to bring 4 changes of clothes with me on my bike just in order to get to the end of the day. i do not like to be forced to put on make-up in the morning. my chubs are so tight. anyway, my day went like this:

6:45 pull sorry ass out of bed

7 - 8am figure out what you need for the day, look at audition sides, pick out multiple outfits, stress stress stress about how you are going to slip in and out of work repeatedly. save time by going to the bathroom and reading audition sides out loud at the same time.

8am bike to work

8:30 work - as fast as possible to get as many bills through the billing system that is barely working as the fiscal year end is friday and it is an absolute MADhouse and dear god why do people keep bringing me things to do, don't they know that I have to get ready for an audition...

8:45 sprint to get bagel, coffee

9:15 mapquest directions to casting agent, change into commercial audition clothes, put on make-up

9:30 bike to casting agent down on Treat St in the Mission (pray that they are not an hour behind schedule like usual)

9:55 totally on schedule - sweet - run into a fellow actor from 4 adverbs outside the place - he is there to audition as 'band member' - I am there because I have a valid CA motorcycle license, but otherwise I have been given very little info and don't really know why I am there.

10:00 sign in for a Payless Shoe Source National commercial audition. note to self that the shoot date is my birthday. note to self that a national commercial can sometimes = a years salary. note to self that the other girls there are dressed like Biker Babes and that was not what your agent told you but THANK GOD you threw that extra black tank top into your bag just in case you were not given the right info since you are never given the right info.

10:05 timeout in the bathroom to stop sweating (profusely), change into tank top, try to cover up exercise face zits (fail), breathe

10:10 audition time slot is in 5 minutes. fill out stupid paperwork that they make you fill out EVERY time. 2-3 sheets that ask you the same questions on each. asinine. pull out headshot and have a bleak moment where you realize that it's getting to the point of embarrassing that you are 10 years older than your headshot and you really need to make this a priority but you really don't care so you don't and know you are passing it to the casting director with it hidden under your paperwork cause maybe they won't look at it anyway.

10:15 audition. smile for a few pictures - head, body, feet. camera rolling - say name, show profiles, stand (this always feels SO awkward!!!!) as they sweep up and down your body with the camera, tell shoe size, wait while they do zoom in close up on shoes. Look down and – oh shit - realize that you never cleaned your boots from that time that you veered off the path in the panhandle and right into the wet mucky freshly watered grass and splattered you and your bike and your boots with mud because you were ogling some amazing Mr. Dog. oh well. what to do? refocus as you hear casting director tell you that she's going to roll the camera again and ask you some questions about you and your motorcycle. she does. prattle on about learning to ride early so that I would never feel like I was just a passenger on a machine that has the ability to so easily kill me. tell them about my first bike. current bike. arwen why are you still talking? you learned in that one embarrassing commercial audition class that you took about 7 years ago that you are supposed to answer these improv questions with a tight, energetic, likeable, positive, if possible - funny story that is short and sweet and to the point and jesus now you are telling them about how the climate is so good here for riding. please shut up. okay here we are you are wrapping up about how you stun people sometimes when you pull up the bike, whip your helmet off and the blonde hair tumbles out - jesus christ!?!??!? did you really just SAY that? what are you? a cartoon? *groan* okay. strike a pose. aaaaaaaaand. okay thank god. it's done. we are walking out.

10:20 back to the bathroom to switch out to the bicycle commuter skort

10:22 sign out of the SAG register, mount Mr. Speedy and head back to work and think about how I always suck so bad at these sorts of auditions because I feel so uncomfortable and in terms of the big picture this one wasn't actually that bad and realistically HOW many SAG actresses are there in the Bay Area who can look cute in a skirt and hot shoes AND have a motorcycle license and I'm suddenly wondering if the three women in there with me were actually all that they found and suddenly I'm feeling a tad bit more hopeful.... wow it's gotten even warmer out. wow.

10:45 sprint back into the office. Sweating. Sweating. holy shit. no one even noticed except the candy girl next to me. ok. ok. Breathe. Make bills. As many as you can. Send mutti good energy that her house is not flooding into the first floor as we speak. Send vati good energy that the house down on the river is still totally fine. Check in with tart. Check in with the AMD. More bills. Okay. Breathe, breathe. Holy shit how is it 11:30 already. Dammit. Do I have my theatre headshot? Yes. Dear god I look even younger in this one. Oh dear oh dear. Do I have the sides printed out? Yes. What?!?!?!?? what do you want? Why so many questions about everything??? no, no I am not going to the firmwide community service day today because I can't POSSIBLY be out of the office for 5 hours on the day before the end of the fiscal year. Who the hell planned that anyway? Yes I would have loved to have planted trees in bayview. Yes it is totally unfair. Please please please leave me alone – oh my god! It's 11:45 I HAVE to go! Yes yes okay...anyway...oh! Hello boss! Yes I am just running out to an audition – oh great look at you! Yes have fun at community service day. See you later. Okay. Amazing orange shirts they are making everyone wear, huh? Yep yep. Oh it's for the Magic Theatre. Uh huh. Oui. Derriere (this is how I say you're welcome to him in french) Au revior!

11:50 sprinting down to bike. Shit shit shit. Didn't get to look at sides. Feel totally unprepared. Why is it so damn hot out here on the embarcadero. Jeez. ok. So what is this play? So what is this character? ok. Wisconsin. Dairy farmer. Shit!!!! do I need an accent? Oh fuck. Okay Fargo think Fargo. Okay. Jesus god look at all these tourists. Holy crap they are really out today. God how they love the kitchy silver man and the crazy all white powdered lady. Oh what's this? A Jerry Garcia look alike band? Huh. Never seen them down here before. Oh my god so many of these people are really fat. What is this play really about anyway? Why am I being called in? I mean I'm kinda too young. Oh god not the Fort Mason hill. Ugh here we go....

12:15 get to fort mason. say hi to the amazing siberian husky who has been parked outside the Magic for the last two weeks whilst her owner enjoys the Blue Bear School of Music. Hi Kali. You are so hot aren't you? Oh wow. It's that actor guy again. He's coming out. Well if he's reading for it I am totally too young for this. Ugh.

12:20 towel off the sweat again. Change into the best I could come up with for Wisconsin Dairy Farmer's Wife. ok. Breathe breathe. We don't really know what we are doing, what the play is about, what this part is really about or why we are here, but let's give it the old arweena try cause we love the Magic and would love to work there again....

12:25 sign in for my audition. This is for the first show of the season – a Shepard play – very political in nature... Look up and see Kevin from 4 Adverbs (the guy who played the craaaaazy guy in the last Adverb). Oh ok. He's in my age range. Then in walks Nick Sholley (from Hog Island). Ok. Excellent. And then finally walks in Gabe (from Rules of Charity). Wow. This is looking kinda good! :) Turns out we were all called in so that the director could see if a younger cast could work for this show. I was there for almost an hour and a half. It went pretty darn well. Got to read a lot. Did some things well, some things not as well, but at the end of the day found out that I am basically on hold and should not take other work without asking them first and it will all just depend on whether or not they go with a young or old cast. ok. Great.

2:00 Talk to some more people around the Magic that I haven't seen in awhile, now that I am chilling out a bit. The show's director comes up and says some very nice things to me that will go a long way to salve my often injured ego. not bad for feeling unprepared and un-knowledgable and a little rusty. :) nice. See lucy the dog. She is excellent.

2:15 jump on bike and head back to PwC. At this point i realize that i am dizzy from lack of food.

2:30 get bowl of black bean mushroom chili from chili up. Tasty. However i have to finagle a way to walk with chili and bike back to embarcadero three in order to lock bike back up.

2:45 back at work. Chili = tastyville. Take a minute to call mutti and vati to check on status of Pennsylvania flood. Dad = ok. Mom = flooding. Call spud again to see if he has checked in with them. Mom is staying at a neighbor's at higher ground with Missy the dog and is ok. Puddy the cat is staying home on second floor of house. Everyone is ok. :) gut.

3 – 5:55 work work work. Won't even go into strange glitch with billing system SAP bullshit that means I can only print two things before the system locks on me so I have to continue to log in and out therefore wasting an inordinate amount of time....

5:55 run to bathroom. Change into trapeze clothes. Put work clothes on top. Feel slightly tired and bloated from chili. Day is already seeming long. Feeling ridiculous that I've had to change clothes AGAIN.

6:10 run to bike. Bike straight out past Circus Center to Jim's house (who is away for work).

6:45pm after a record bike ride with a record amount of sweat, put jim's birds - Fermion, Tealey (sp?), Daisy and Mongo to sleep.

6:50 mount bike and hoof back over to circus center

6:57 stroll in with no minutes to spare to trapeze class

7 – 8:30 Trapeze class. Was worried that i would be way tired and not into it, but it was great. Only two of us and we even learned our first doubles trapeze move. We both took turns learning to hold the other one up with only our feet! Cool.

8:30 – 9:10 stay and condition and stretch a little more with classmate lyla. Watch a huge group of teens arrive from the east coast to have some sort of camp type experience. Listen as young girls squeal on flying trapeze. Funny.

9:15 back on the bike – heading home.

9:30 home – slowing down. Need some food. ok. Unload work computer and set up VPN

10-12:20 work from home. Connection to billing system locks up and basically renders me useless.

12:30 shower

1ish try the system again. No luck. Call it a sign and decide to hit the sack. Utterly exhausted. And oh so relieved that it's all finally over. :)