sdrawkcab

So I actually started this post a week ago and got distracted, but as it will demonstrate the general state of my mind these days, I thought it would still be fun to share. :)

Here 'tis:

the AMD and I went to the gym today - as we often do on Monday. we got dressed for step aerobics class and i put on the same damn sports bra that i wear every time we go to the gym, because there are some things (like coffee with a bagel in the morning and V-neck shirts and getting the mail when i come home) that i like to have consistency with.... anyway. i've been feeling really puffy lately, like my body is retaining every speck of moisture that i'm putting into it... along with the San Francisco Bay, Mono Lake and a good part of the Jersey Shore. ugh. So i put on my bra and it feels so snug... like my boobs suddenly increased a full cup size (hah! when hell freezes over...) and i said to the AMD, "Jesus Christ, that food last night must have had SO MUCH salt, this bra top is killing me." So we go upstairs and get set up and start class and do some warm up with resistance bands and i catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and, holy mother of god, my upper body looks simply HUGE. like a freak. and my chubs are squeezing out and it's just wholly unappealing on so many levels. i cannot even fathom at this point how much salt must have been in my food. god - maybe there was MSG?!?! jesus. i can't even look at myself because i look like a freak of nature and omigod wait a minute. um. why is the back of my bra so wide? and, uh, full coverage? and why are the pretty straps back there and why is it - oh wait... no way.... what an idiot. it is SO on backwards. ugh.

this stuff needs to stop. today I sent Ann Marie a series of instant messages at work. When I called her to ask why she hadn't replied (she's a very good IM-er, very quick), she said she hadn't gotten them. this seemed very odd, until on closer inspection, I realized that I had IM'd myself. and was waiting for myself to reply.

dear god.

and i don't even have kids.

my first montage

ok. i am now highlighting deborah's lovely place of employment. :) I made a montage at One True Media. that's right! everyone can make free montages at One True Media. :) now, maybe I'm a loser, but this thing took me HOURS to finish. i know it's 7 minutes long, but still... it took some time...

this is the R-rated version. as in - if you like South Park, you will like this one... otherwise, wait until I post the G-rated version.

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

oh please god no - no sickies! :(

woke up feeling a bit shitty this morning. hoping that it will go away with a couple of good night sleeps (severely lacking) and zinc and echinacea and stuff. i still managed to drag my ass to conditioning class, which i think was rather ballsy, considering I knew the pain awaiting me.

but I made it and, well, three good things happened.

1) I did 10 pull ups non-stop with no help for the third day in a row. i don't think i thought this would ever be possible. it's still sinking in.

2) I finished my trapeze. daniela taught me how to tape the bar and now she (the trapeze) is good to go. she is so beautiful, but alas, I did not have the strength left, nor the appropriate number of carabiners on me to take her for a first test spin. maybe tomorrow. since I will NOT be sick tomorrow. hell no. I'm going to rig her up like a single-point trapeze (i.e. the trapezes in Expedition 6 except that mine is a slimmer metal bar with longer thicker ropes made from hemp). this is very exciting. :)

3) a very nice young man at the center named Stan seems to have compiled some very cool pics from the Showcase. This one is so awesome. I want it to be the entry page to my website as well as my business card. badass:



and I think this one will be a good promo shot as well:



(deb - he's gonna zip them for me, so we'll have them for the site. :) yay!)

now, um, I've just got to start, uh, training on the silk again. that would be good. training is good.

In other news...

My dear friend Arika in LA LA Land has signed with a killer agent - William Morris. I am shouting her news from my blog as I am as excited for her as if it had happened to me. This was a long time coming and a LOOOOONG time deserved. Arika currently writes for "South of Nowhere" on the N channel (I have it on DVD if anyone wants to check it out.) The main character is a lesbian. in high school. it's VERY progressive. Arika also has some excellent pilot scripts that will now be in a better position to be bought, what with a KICKASS agent, so let's all wish her well. She deserves it. :)

Also - MARK YOUR CALENDARS - there is some pretty awesome rock coming up...Saturday, October 20th at the bar that used to be the Sandbar but is now the Riptide. Both Hammer of the Godz and (i think) Godz of Rock will be playing and it looks like perhaps i will even have a cameo. should be really fun. it's at taraval and 47th out in the sunset. music starts at 9pm. check it out: riptide i actually love this bar and I don't like bars. how's that for an endorsement. :)

just say no to PSDS

god dammit post show depression syndrome totally sucks. and it's not like the last two days have been bad at all or anything. but that doesn't matter when it comes to this stuff... there's just this nagging sense of loss. you birth this incredible, painful and hopefully beautiful artistic baby with people and you get to live with it for about 2 months and then POOF. gone. sometimes it's more like a little death than others.... and sometimes you kiss them goodbye with the finger. this one will take a little time... and a little more time... ;) and i've been listening to WAY too much damien rice and that just exacerbates these things.... feeling so '9 Crimes' right now. yeah. big time. followed up with a little 'Volcano' and 'Rootless Tree'. devastating. shit.

...just like 'Into the Wild'. don't go see this movie if you are at all in a tender state. well, unless you need a good sob-fest. jesus. I read the book a couple of years ago on the AMD's recommendation. (good call. i ended up reading everything john krakauer has written. you should do the same.) it's a book you will not soon forget. it just leaves these trails with you... i feel like i had ghost pains from that book... like being haunted.... and, well, the movie was pretty stunning. it seems to have had a similar effect. ouch. but, wow. i do so appreciate art that can elicit that much of an emotional response.... something so very alive about that. it feels like you are part of the transfer of something so basic, so communal, so human...so....so...cardinal...so fundamental... which is something i think is missing so much in day to day life...

i'm going to get all sensitive if i think about this more right now. it best be getting on to bedtime.

ohmigoodness i landed the space shuttle

ohmigod you guys - the last few days have been so out of control, i haven't had a moment to breathe, let along blog, or take stock, or figure out which end is up....

i only have time and energy for a lame-ass list.

1) Found out Tuesday afternoon that Reno is a no go. They need someone immediately. Well - I still have two more Expedition 6 shows to go, plus I would HAVE to have a week to put my ducks in a row.... ah well. I'm actually rather relieved. i'm tired. i want to go camping. i want to hug trees. i desperately want to see friends. i want to clean. but who knows, the offer may come up again. and if i could have the chance to see what it would be like to be a full-time circus girl, well, gotta try it. :)

2) Soooooooooo - I got the role of Stella in Streetcar. This is righteously awesome. What I know of the rest of the cast is AMAZING. I am really, really excited about this one. And it's not til February, so the holidays will still be open and unobscured. :) www.marintheatre.org

3) Rowsby Woof had super night frights the other night. He freaked out about 2am, flew like a crazy bird all around his cage and by the next morning had molted off all his flight feathers on his right wing. He's having a hard time understanding this problem and keeps trying to fly. It's impacting his ability to make out with the ladies, so he's been seeming a little less than himself these days..... Poor Mr. Woof.

4) Ok. So 10 astronauts came to the show on Wednesday, including the real Don Pettit. It was an amazing show and felt like opening night all over again. incredible. it was amazing to meet the guys. it was amazing what an intense focus it gave to the cast, as we were suddenly hyper-aware that there was an audience of people out there that actually knew about EVERYthing we were saying. We had a little gathering with them after the show and they were all so gracious, told great stories and really seemed touched by the show. It was just a great freaking night. Afterwards, some of us stayed later, blew off some steam and played around on the trapezes. It was simply so much fun. I think we all needed it. :)



and while I'm thinking about it....here is a pic of nora and I with Millie - the woman who Marsha is partially based on - she's the one that went to exercise alone on the last day of the mission and the camera wasn't off. :) She said that was pretty much how it happened. here is also a happy opening night pic...






5) of course in the amazing way that the world works, I've had 4 casting calls about theatre auditions, including Berkeley Rep, for shows that would happen during the same time as Streetcar. i'm floored by the sudden popularity wave, but wish that it could be spread a little better throughout the year. But isn't that how it ALWAYS is! ;)

6) we had a great time watching the figster. now I am more dog starved than ever. :(




7) I had the most amazing conditioning class ever with my russian teacher yesterday. I was the only one who came, so I here I was in an advanced conditioning private. But after the first 15 minutes or so, she started to really lighten up and talk during my breaks and it was the first time I could really see the very human and fun and FUNNY and real side of her. it was really nice. she talked about russia and tea and circus and hot summer days and all sorts of stuff. but then she made me end the class by attaching weights to my arms and have me hang by my heels on the trapeze for as long as I could. TWICE. my calves are killing me. but the answer to your question is - yes - I rule. 30 seconds each time. ow.

8) MOMWOW is coming in on Thursday for a short visit with us and the Zen Center...

9) met one of the guys who won the Amazing Race tonight. he was hilarious. (sorry brentster, it seemed of interest to me.) :)

10) been thinking a lot about extreme croquet lately. really want to have another battle. want to perfect the stump shot. anyone out there have a croquet set?

11) Like Water for Elephants, by Sara Gruen was a great freaking book (thanks mutti!) highly recommended. and not just because it's about the circus. no, really, I PROMISE.

and finally 12) HOLY SHIT. Our cast got to go to NASA in Mountain View yesterday and hang out some more with the astronauts and, well, fly the VMS - the vertical motion simulator. This is a huge piece of machinery in a room that's over 100 feet tall and you get inside a box and it's a simulated Space Shuttle cockpit. The box can go back and forth and up and down. fast. And then we all got a chance to try to do a landing simulation. It was AWESOME. We went inside the box two at a time and our commander told us what to do. It was rather like a video game. well, except that it wasn't. I killed everyone on my first try. Ran the shuttle into the buildings that would have housed family and children. go me. But - I brought her down pretty excellently on the 2nd and 3rd tries. :) Talk about a once in a lifetime day. It was too too much. On the drive on the way back, Nora, Angela and I just kept saying, 'did that really just happen!??!?!'

weird. life is too too weird.

thank god.

:)

oh - and don't forget the bluegrass festival is the weekend. pleasing.